Mental health worker today. Don't know how long we'll be able to keep him with the cuts. My two hours per week respite. Only it isn't really, is it. When you could go out, you liked me to go too. When we stay in, I run around, filling him in on what's being going on, making tea and coffee and keeping an eye in case you get distressed, because, bless him, lovely though he is, he can't deal with it. So inbetween waking for your meds, and coping with your nightmares at five and six a.m., getting up at 6.30 so the Aspie twins routine isn't disrupted, painting Aspie number three's bedroom and babysitting next door for half an hour, I'm crackered! It was a bit of a break being next door though, just baby demands, easy!

So, the nightmares are back big time. You asked me to move this morning, because you wanted to hit me. I knew you wouldn't, you never have, if you were going to, it would have happened sometime over the last eighteen years. But it shows how distressed you are. You think it's fear, I'm inclined to agree. Everyday there appears to be something else the government wants to do. Another cut, another hoop to jump through. How the hell are we going to cope with an ATOS medical. I've not seen one report of the people involved being pleasant and nice. Okay, you don't want eye contact and sitting behind a computer screen won't bother you. But you won't understand the questions, won't have time to process answers, won't understand tone of voice or facial expressions. You won't cope with somebody being in your space and all the disruption that goes along with that. Where do we go from here.

School holidays tomorrow too, the kids will be stressed for a couple of days with the change to their routine, that's not going to be easy on any of us. Still, I've planned lots of baking for them to help with. Should be fun. Homework too. Not so much fun, but necessary to get their damn geography projects finished. I've made a timetable so that everyone knows what's going on. Just have to remind you all to look at it each day!

Times up.

Laters.

xx

hey you lot.

Today, the new welfare reforms are to be put into practise. I'm so sorry my lovely husband that the government have made you feel this way. As if being in constant pain and being tortured by your mental health difficulties are not enough, the government is about to try to put you through hell just to save money that they could be taking from those who actually have it. This is going to be a long hard road.

The thing is, we do have enough to manage on. It's not loads, but it's okay. We can pay the mortgage, clothe and feed the kids, even with their idiosyncrasies, (that's what you get with three Aspie kids), provide enough second hand books to keep everyone sane. It's okay. As adults, we don't drink, we don't go out socially, that's too hard for Aspies, but we have fun when we can and the kids. I get out and about with them. They're doing well, too. Aspie boy is using his study leave wisely, if not the computer, and Aspie twins are making their school choices count. With Aspie boy on study leave and predicted A* for all bar one of his gcses, the last thing we need is for you to end up in hospital. I know it's hard trying to stay sane, trying not to be paranoid when the government are spewing their poisonous rhetoric about benefit scroungers. I know we can no longer hope that the system will sort when Atos are told to reduce the figures by some 65% (that appears to be the actual figure rather than the 20% pushed by the government), I know it's hard to trust anyone and not to be paranoid, but for the sake of Aspie boy, please try.

Love you.

xx